The Number 38

Oldie but goldie, Poetry

I

Neither reassured nor denied
I suffer in limbo,
The anteroom of my Purgatory,
Or was it to be my paradise?
I’m not too certain
That I see a difference now.
With a sad smile on my face,
I feed the serpents my blood
& then complain.

II

At an hour short of midnight,
I’ll let my soul free,
& never look back
To a dream I never dreamt
Only conjured up
In wakeful abandon;
Only thought that it was touch away
But my eyes, as ever,
Lied.
& I step into a blissful Eden,
That is to be
My beloved purgatory.

III

I put my dreams in her eyes
& made here believe
All that isn’t meant to be,
Just to make her breathe
A little easy,
& to stop the demons
From coming out from her head
& into mine.
I cooked up potions of passion,
Made her swallow the vitriolic magma
In a single gulp
To become her god,
That seeks a virgin sacrifice,
Only to befoul the name of love,
At the alter of my lust,
To appease my passion, my ego,
My lust for power over her,
My desire to be loved.

IV

I like to dream.
& my dreams burn my wings
Every time I try to fly away
From me.
Sad, isn’t it?
Well, no, not really.
It’s actually masochistic.
I dream because it hurts
When I don’t,
& that’s what’s slowly killing me
Each passing hour,
With my mind in cold complicity.

V

Bolts of lightening
Tingles my skin,
& the thunder harasses my soul,
In my head,
Under a dark starlit sky.
It’s not just me,
In my head, talking to me.
I’m with the echoes of a passion,
& the throbbing voices
Of those moments
That seemed to last millennium,
In a night,
With her warm breath,
Tickling my skin,
Reassuring me
That it’s not all an illusion,
A wakeful dream,
That reality sends your way,
To laugh at you.
That was when those moments mattered.
That was when someone mattered.
That was sometime ago.
But not anymore
Because truth is sweeter
Than a lie at times,
But harder to swallow
When it’s an alien notion
To the better half of your soul.
& so it is.
It mattered once
If the pulse pummelled death’s desire,
Or whether breaths defied the soul
With words.
But not when deceit
Defiled my dreams,
& leaves me feeling,
It doesn’t matter any more.

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